Another one of those days.......

I am nothing

I am having another one of those days where I just don't seem to care much about anything.  As such, I decided to post the link above to a sad song with a good beat you kind of want to dance to.

I don't know what is causing me to have these repeated days where I feel down and bleh.  Maybe its a sign I need to move my fat ass and get some exercise.  Maybe its a sign I need therapy.   Maybe its just that with the exception of a couple of friends and my family (wife and kids), I really am just as alone as I feel.  (This last idea seems to be more on point than I think many people are willing to admit.)

I've spent most of my life hiding and suppressing feelings I have just so I can carry on to whatever the next thing might be.  Ignoring feelings of loneliness is a bad thing because they can fester and become a serious issue later on.  However, in the short term, being able to not focus on the things that are bringing me down and being able to focus on other things like work or eating or playing a video game have gotten me this far.  I have a feeling that living like that will continue to last me until I die.

I'll leave this post with some of the lyrics from the song posted above:

Falling victim from neglect
Designed thoughts and intellect
Forgotten and displaced
The crux of my dismay

I feel nothing
I am nothing
I feel nothing
I am nothing

How deep I descend?
Until I reach my end?
How deep I descend?

How deep I descend?
Until I reach my end?
How deep I descend?

Deeper into this abyss
Weighted down and sinking fast
Life did not offer me
More than false destiny

EDIT:

 So I figured out what set off the depression and the original post.  There is someone at work that I would like to be friends with and said person is friendly to me, but only when I actively interact with her.  If I don't start a conversation with her or I am not part of a group that she is interacting with already, she seems to intentionally try to show indifference to me.  If I make a joke, she will laugh.  If I say hello to her, she will say hello back to me.  However, if I sit there minding my own business, she won't start any conversation with me.  She will walk up and start a conversation with pretty much everyone else at work, but she doesn't seem to care if I am there or not.  I've been nice to her.  I've given her compliments and even bought her food once just because she had never had food from where I was going and I wanted to do something nice for her (I will bring other people food all the time because that's just the person I am).

The reason this set me off on a "downward spiral" earlier is because I picked up on the indifference, but I didn't realize that's what it was nor did I realize at first that I was feeling it from this person.  Hopefully at this point, I can ignore her indifference towards me and just accept it as a personality trait rather than something based in ill will towards me.